Questions..

Why are people so averse to questions? why, what, how, where, when...they open spaces, delimits, makes horizons available. Is the resistance coming from butting against 'i dont know?' but then after 'i dont know' is the option of 'seeking to know' and hence 'knowing.' Is 'i dont know' so bad then? Unless 'i dont know' is in itself caged in 'i am made wrong' for 'not knowing' - a kind of default state that brings forth the 'survival gadgets' to the fore and the field autoready for a guerilla warfare between one identity of a human being with another.

Being made wrong..

It does not feel nice to justify myself, especially when I have not done wrong. Feel small and helpless, before I get all righteous and rage with impotent anger directed at no one in particular. It takes way my love for fellow beings. There is big-small, right-wrong, good-bad, dominant-docile. Them and me, the conversations that keep the identity intact, becomes pretty prominent then. Making someone wrong/being made wrong has such multiple effects on the 'system' inside and outside, and much collateral damage. Seeing things from this light, it is not very difficult to understand how identies get constructed, and how the self - that all-mighty, all-pervading, magnanimous, unstoppable force within - takes refuge in an identity for its survival.

Unmoving moving nonmover..

...while the waters fret and froth and gurgle, the deep waters quietly go about its business allowing life to draw from its nature.. in its own pace..in its own way.

Exploring the sense of taste..

Wonder if there is some truth to this thought...package food/restaurant food has a peculiar taste to it, like some element (taste) that makes it 'not homemade.'.. or maybe i havnt eaten in the best of places to know any better.  Does freshness have a taste of its own?

Awareness stratification??

Being focused on task at hand while simultaneously being aware of whatever is going on around (Or) being totally focused on task at hand at the exclusion of all else around? (or) primarily involved with task at hand while allowing the body to absorb whatever is happening around, i.e.mind on task, rest faculties on alert antenna mode, perhaps.

Movement..

It was a pretty long sentence meandering through different spaces of emotion experience and speculations though maybe not exactly differentiated as those but more like a spectrum of two or more of it in confusing paces and then came a comma, maybe to re-read what was written or maybe the sentence just paused to catch its breath or to jerk off something heavy on its shoulders, whatever may have been the reason, the sentence and the writer having resolved something now chugg along cautiously in quiet determination.

Moveie 127 now!

"If I believe, that is all there is"

Lonesome journey..

Life is a lonesome journey. You gotta find ur way through, learn ur tricks to maneuver through the thick and thin waters, discover what lies within u, what are things outside of u, how to things behave, howz the weather, how does it all affect my journey, am I headed towards where i want to be reaching? How far out is it from where i am? Who are my foes, my friends? How much can i indulge? How much do i need to contain myself? How much can i rely on others? How much on myself? How do i tackle congenial and adverse situations? What beliefs do i hold on to?

Life is a lonesome journey of discovery, creation, and learning.

defensive..

Much is unsaid between words. Expressions give away. Pauses give away. Tone give away. Eyes give away. What would it take for that playful happy self to not get defensive and take cover...to jcome out of the cover and just be? Words richochete within and interpretations/connotations ... better to be safe and have a guerilla warfare (!). what will not cause that effect? Not making/made wrong! Approval! A sense that it is ok..that it is safe. What bonds in the network of 'safe'?

yearn..

its a chain of waiting...one bead for another. What is being pulled forth in the process is a yearn for fulfillment..expressions of subtleties hitherto undistinguished now brought forth in ways that are endearing to say the least for the element of honesty suffuse in them, so also the endevour to express in words or through other means that which is not easy to be 'said' and be satisfactorily expressed.

connectedness..

Like the honey in milk, like the oxygen in air, be permeated in everything..

sound from stillness..

A voice calls from yonder, whispering as if from the dead, a sound only to the discerning ear, calling on to life.

controller and controlled

An inherent urge to raise, be at source of, control, dominate over, autonomy? - to own the created. There must be many forces unexpressed, forces gathered in the course of surviving, driving one to perpetuate the very thing that one fights against. What is resisted persists in a chain reaction, the eaten becoming the eater, thus unconsciously creating the drag in the system while struggling with the innate urge to create onward. None to blame. It is all a part of what humans deal with within the context of what it means to be human.

Brewing within..

While everyone seem to be going about they business, poetrying, dancing, musing, preaching, surmising, gathering, I watch bemused and in some awe at the simplicity in the complexity and the complexity through simplicity. Occasionally comes a stray thought of my place among things, not as significance or morality or position, but as the value i bring to whatever there is. Unexpectedly I am reminded of a trait i thought i had from times past and with trepidation i attempt to regain the experience of time-forgetting creation - a stroke here, a mystical muse there, a tune here, a movement there, an expression here, a hue there.

I find me being wary of overhauling something already created but at the same time wanting to wash away the muck i see marring the beauty in most things, and often the muck i find is a stray thread that needs to be tied into place or moved aside to reveal the intricate pattern within.

Words! such a powerful medium of creation. They make the world seem beautiful or ugly. They open up worlds or shut out until claustrophobia. Sometimes they seem so superfluous, sometimes never quite enough to express what needs be expressed, sometimes having a life of its own drawing other words in its wake and creating a brilliant world. Interpretations! Intended meaning vs meaning understood. What misunderstandings they create! What worlds they bring forth! It is like a beast that needs taming, these words.

While i ponder on how to do this, creativity, experiences, dreams swell quietly within, pondering on the best way of expression.

support

Why is it so difficult to keep on going one step ahead of the other when the goal is clear, requirements are clear, .... mere approval, reassurance. When the seeker takes refuge in the formless and undefined, all else becomes irrelevant. It is not out there. It is here - outside of me including me.

sensing..

Words are somehow getting superfluous, unnecessary even at times. To think that I wanted to 'see,' 'hear,' 'sense,' 'taste,' 'smell,' that which is not obvious...that want seems to be becoming a necessity. How numb to life have I been! How thick is this hurt-insulating numbness, i wonder. Thanks to poignant guides along the way, I realize it is not a phase or an enlightening moment that makes one aware of things in such depth, but more of quieting the worded noise of thoughts within and allowing the senses to do their job sans interpretation.

Choice..

I now kinda know what it means to hopelessly wait. It is a choice made from many others, and it is mine.

Virtual reality

It all seems so unreal, indefinite out there. Like it is a time warp in some advanced version of a Wii game without gadgets. The game seem to have started at birth!

..

The world sometimes demands defiance!