On art ... carried away by the music of masters

Early morning music today - the classics of instrumental symphonies and sonatas and pieces by masters. Each piece tells a story. It is a communication, if one has the ears to hear what is said and a listen to all of it. Of course the language is nothing literal but of a current the underlies verbal communication, of the flavor of a story, flavor of the emotion that animates speech, animates a person in a symphony of everyday talk through everyday living. Makes me wonder what my sketches would speak of; don’t think it is only that which is intended to be spoken for the whole is more than sum of its parts. Not surprising yet surprised that I should think of sketching as I listen to music. Art is afterall a wave of passion and merging with the inspiration that spans across time and space into different media and get expressed, verbally or nonverbally or both, I guess.

Yearn

Maybe at the heart of life is a yearn that is just as part of what keeps life ongoing as the Chaos; perhaps both are related. Subtleties. It is like the lingering taste in the mouth, the sentence that says and yet leave soft ripples of meanings, a warm fuzzy feeling from the bonfire or candle, a softness in the eye of understanding. It sort of fills something inside and yet opens a door for more space and lingers on a faint silent yearn.

Demons

Literature talks of energies sometimes occupying the human body, the absolution of which requires not rejection or resistance but compassion and acknowledgement of its own strength and presencing its strength for itself. When transliterated, the cliche, 'we have our own demons to deal with,' may not be any different from that of the 'dead souls' or 'ghosts' that are the subject of horror stories. Just like the horror stories usually having tormented souls that seek redemption, the demons in our own psyche need acknowledgement and appeasing, one after another. Question is the frame of mind when one is ready to face the demon in our mind's closet and see it for what it is and be willing to appease its distress.

As i am stirred..

As emotions, simple-yet-complex human interactions, experiences and personal journeys ebb and flow from time to time, certain aspects of the components in varying colors and flavors boil up to the surface revealing parts of me hitherto unworded/undefined as well as aspects of the complexity/simplicity hitherto unseen. Such moments make me wonder about who/what the world and its people are to me and who/what am i to the world.

There is only love..

When love glows, it is bliss.
When it flows, it is compassion.
When it blows, it is anger.
When it ferments, it is jealousy.
When it is negative, it is hatred.
When it acts, it is perfection.
When love knows, it is Me!
                           ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Life of the human mind..

Dynamics of human interactions. Flavorizing, color-blending, syntaxing and thus semanticizing. Creating interesting scripts; lending interesting definitions to characters. Layering, deepening, mystifying. Fascinating.

Transitions..movements..anxieties

Choices. Being current and relevant. Social intelligence. Being true to ones own sense of decorum/propriety/inner integrity and exploring options. I am in a transitory phase (again) of finding a common ground that allows for the latter while retaining the essence of the former, inclusive of the uncertainty if the need for retention is also a means to stay in the comfort zone. Nevertheless, of the several options available, there is still a choice, an act of free will, on how one chooses to live ones life.

The one that got away

The workings of the mind is pretty interesting. When someone seems to be breaking out of the mold, thinking original (?) and questioning the unquestioned beliefs, basically doing things out of the common milieu, much like the Indian crabs there is a clawing to pull that ‘aberrance’ back into the system. And then, when the aberrance continues in spite of the attempts to keep it in the mold, the system expects it to maintain form, expect a perfection of form perhaps more than what the aberration has reckoned, and the system gets angry/aggravated when the aberration does not maintain that expected form. A very interesting love it or hate it, almost endearing but also frustrating trait present in almost every, if not every system. Perhaps it is the ‘surface tension’ of systems at play to maintain its compactness and contributes to its stability in some way. Perhaps it the harmony-chaos cycle at work.

Peg

A whisper of a twig is sufficient to hold on to, and the life within, with its support, will find its resources to pull itself up and breathe again.

Movement

Deal with completion, not incompletion. If considered that anything that moves is possibility and all else is concerns/reactions/effects and more reactions, and they are all valid no matter how bizarre they may seem, then wonder if only dealing with the completion would be all that is required. The shortest distance to cover the gap and most economical.

Freedom to be is when..

The ultimate inaduthenticity is that there is any innate significance to me or to life. It is when the ultimate inauthenticity is accepted and owned that any freedom to be becomes possible.

Growing up

I fought to have a space in which I could choose for myself all through the teen and growing up years and when I do get to choose, I have a problem with that! And now I got to be responsible for making the choices too! This must be further evidence that being in the comfort zone includes everything that is also familiar including the struggles, the discomfort, unhealthy stimulus along with the things that makes one feel comforted and safe. Whoever said being grown up was all fun and wonder why was all that hurry to be grown up!

‘There is something fundamentally wrong.’

Wonder if wrong-doing and punishment has been wired into our psyche so much that what is possible can go only up to a certain point after which the ‘what is possible’ sphere needs to involute, consciously/unconsciously/subconsciously creating limits and boundaries and to put an effort at consciously thinking ‘beyond’ those limits.  Part of the difficulty in thinking beyond may be dealing with the wrong/punishment wiring that is so much part of the system. The wiring is so much evident in the language, and a whole lot of words derived from wrong/punishment - negative, backward, fail, bad, beat, etc.etc. It is much like there being the primary relationships (mother and father or people who come to represent their role/authority) and then all other relationships with people and things being a derivative of the primary in some manner. 

Limiting

Sometimes what is possible requires a demonstration for the mind to see beyond or to even be present that there has been a limit thus far.

Histologically, cells are said to lose their totipotency in early infancy and get partially potent and then selectively potent with progression of age or with development of the individual. Perhaps that is not an accident. Perhaps that is a physical manifestation of the experience of the unlimited being 'limited,' a consequence of setting 'boundaries' to what is possible, boundaries set by other similarly 'boundaried' individuals, thereby effectively slowing down 'life' and promoting 'ageing.' Perhaps then it is not an accident that the average lifespan of human beings have come down, a consequence of cumulative 'limiting' and 'boundarying' of what is possible?

Nobody

Anonymity beguiles. Be one in the crowd, invisible. Sense and experience the happenings with people, around them, within them, inside their head and because of that inside the head. Be with the expressions and the experience that gives the expressions. To savor the words uttered. Feel the tone and cadence.  Linger on the fleeting lines on the face as emotions flicker across them. Follow the gaze and picture the image forming in the brain layered, interpreted and juxtaposed by others already available in the memory database from past experiences. Invisibility beguiles hence. A name, a face, an identity, a persona. All needs maintenance and right now they are kinda annoying distractions from the wealth available to explore by being anonymous and invisible and a nobody.

Words - limit and liberation

The pull towards the whirlpool of confusion and directionlessness thereof, as in a sense of being lost, is the sometimes limiting need to put things in words. Once distinguished, the apt words opens up pathways and shears through confusions and dilemmas while when undistinguished, words lead to confusion and directionlessness, the latter of which is perhaps the reason for my earlier aversion to words and for thinking of them to be necessary evil.


If so, what determines the readiness to use words that opens pathways vs otherwise? Guess written and thought words have their own pace to discern which is which, just as the person has a pace at which learning when to do what is discerned, and it may perhaps be on a kind of universal developmental scale of learning. And the scale may have an in vs out, expressed vs unexpressed, giving vs receiving, action vs inaction, noise vs silence, distinguishing vs retrospection, etc, parameters to determine who is at what level.

Observations..

Interesting how when a generalization is made, the concern of 'me?' comes up. The tentacle-like concern of 'belongingness and acceptance' that underlies the human condition, that has one depend on and stay attached in the web called 'society' revealing itself in those very unmeditated/unguarded moments. Else, it is the assertion of 'im independent!,'...as if.
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Doesnt stop amazing me how people react to an as-lived experience i share. Concern mixed with an induced thought/thinking mixed with looking-through-the-known-into-unknown curiosity flits across the expressions...and with those 'space' movements, i go through my own set of 'spaces' of 'am i normal' 'is that ok' 'maybe im doing it wrong' 'havent you seen this' 'how come u dint experience this' 'do you really live or just live a rote' 'its ok' 'im having my experience, they theirs' -- from a space disturbing chaos to a kinda equilibrium where things fall back into 'whats so' space. And, i dont tire of experiementing this with another and another. A world of discovery.
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"Be kind more than necessary to whomsoever you meet, for each is fighting their own battle.'
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Duchenne smile practise is going through the whole gammut of 'not Duchenne' phases...or rather the 'not Duchenne'ness is getting identified. That which is missing is making its presence known by its absence, more like it.

Stimulants

Stimulants imperceptibly unless specifically observed catalyzes 'charges,' a sudden surge disturbing achieved balances and lasts until the system rebalances in the presence of the stimulant. The disturbance causing whatever effect that extra free energy and chaos thereof (as in disturbance of established patterns) makes available. Is the 'coping with uncertainty' effect at play whenever such energy chaos is introduced in whichever system, I wonder...and is that why people like to smoke, drink tea/coffee to 'awaken their brain' per se?

unformed forms

Sights aplenty..insights even more. Confirmations of vague ideas concreted and unbeknownst unawares making connections with others and building.

Building much like how it may have started, with vague unsure-sure steps, getting surer from within via inputs unawares of being looked for. The pseudopods of ideas brought forth on pathways predestined and/or preassessed/preplanned and/or foreseen and predetermined unconsciously-consciously.

Labelled 'realities' offering material self-contradictory, amusing, confounding, triggering. Small things getting ridiculously big, and big getting convictionably illusionary.

Easier to break free, and easier still to toss it all away. Just that little question needs answering - is it worth it?

Insights (duh)

Nothing is invalid. There is nothing called nonsense.

Ranges - the minus 0, maybe minus 10 to maybe plus 10, within the range is taken into account the defining lines, the wider the range, the more defined the d.lines.
Feel like an octopus with magnetic tentacles.

A disadvantage of knowledge is possible lack of spontaneity and prejudice precluding the range of first-impressionables.

Experience and knowledge - where is the bridge between the two learning systems?

When the expectations are not well defined, the brain goes really weird trying to figure out the expectations, maybe even covering bases which would never have been possibly cohjured otherwise; call it being on redalert. Uncertainty unlocks something.