Demons

Literature talks of energies sometimes occupying the human body, the absolution of which requires not rejection or resistance but compassion and acknowledgement of its own strength and presencing its strength for itself. When transliterated, the cliche, 'we have our own demons to deal with,' may not be any different from that of the 'dead souls' or 'ghosts' that are the subject of horror stories. Just like the horror stories usually having tormented souls that seek redemption, the demons in our own psyche need acknowledgement and appeasing, one after another. Question is the frame of mind when one is ready to face the demon in our mind's closet and see it for what it is and be willing to appease its distress.

Un'familiar'izing.

The sands have been sifting for a while now, more in a direction that has me see that it is for me to move and it is just my movement that will have anything work. There is not gonna be anyone proding, nurturing, encouraging. Support will come only if I compromise and dance in some manner to someone else's tune but that world will not have me in it, and it is too high a price to pay for too low a life.

My journey has seemed for sometime now a fight: A fight against conformity, compromise, attachment, enslavery, mindless monotony, stagnation, falling in line with the familiar that has been survived through to rags, persistence of dis-ease. My journey is to health. It is worth fighting for. And Life does find a way.

As i am stirred..

As emotions, simple-yet-complex human interactions, experiences and personal journeys ebb and flow from time to time, certain aspects of the components in varying colors and flavors boil up to the surface revealing parts of me hitherto unworded/undefined as well as aspects of the complexity/simplicity hitherto unseen. Such moments make me wonder about who/what the world and its people are to me and who/what am i to the world.

Yellowing out!

Accident! T-bone'd with a bike! Accident on a vehicle first time ever..and now I can say I have that experience too!

And then a blackout (have blackedout earlier at a much younger age, when I couldnt care less about observing how the experience was except bask in the attention it brought)...and I find it is not really black out but more like yellow out. Everything went yellow for a while before the next thing i could remember as waking up on the floor with a vague recollection of hitting my shoulder, I think, on something, which turned out to be the floor.

And then, there are other things going on by which i can gauge if I am ready to get up and bear moving again or not (obvious to many perhaps but interesting while observing it happening detached from my body as though the body occupies a space a lil different from the one where I as an observer am in).

Left leg swollen and skinned a bit, and then a certain stiffness sets in, as though the body in that part shields itself or perhaps it is just resistance against further onslaught, and the stiffness is much like the numbness that the mind has to shield from an onslaught of whatever that is a lil too much to handle or want to handle.

It is the body's time now, to talk in its own language, and for me to listen for it now demands my attention.

There is only love..

When love glows, it is bliss.
When it flows, it is compassion.
When it blows, it is anger.
When it ferments, it is jealousy.
When it is negative, it is hatred.
When it acts, it is perfection.
When love knows, it is Me!
                           ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Unlearning-Learning-relearning

Habituation. An action -> an experience -> a result, over and over until the experience gets familiar and then is no more an experience but something that has settled down as 'real' - an 'is'- like a fact. Automation in the nervous system. Sudden changes in a habit causes confusion and disorientation at the level of predictibility and confidence/assuredness - an uncomfortable space of 'not knowing,' which is a blessing for it allows for something new to happen and a curse for then 'known' knowledge is insufficient and introduces doubt and fear until some semblance of familiarity ('knowing') gets established, reinforcing predictability and confidence. A new habit.

Life of the human mind..

Dynamics of human interactions. Flavorizing, color-blending, syntaxing and thus semanticizing. Creating interesting scripts; lending interesting definitions to characters. Layering, deepening, mystifying. Fascinating.