My world is just fine what I have in my immediate vicinity, bothering about what food I'd like to eat, how my house interiors would be preferred, what artwork I'd like to explore or catch up on that book I have wanted to read since some time until I come to the thought that 'I am joyful,' like the breath gone out far enough to reach a shore and returned back to say 'I am joyful' in reflective biofeedback and then the 'activities' I have been planning for seems enough to make me feel guilty that there are so many people out there who dont have what I have, dont have the experiences I have been fortunate enough to have that I am expected to share about and care enough as to the value of them and what they could bring as quality of life enhancers and thats where my 'joy' ends and care begin. It is like the joy is a splash of water on the rocks and I could be vapory and mist-cool but thats as good as being on a vacation in the middle of everywhere to cool the fire off within and then back on the crusty crumbly fiery spaces of inflammation that my physiology goes through in the kind of domestic neighborhood with its 'legalized violence' practices that thinks astral projection into other people's bodies is hatha yoga and the consequent physiological toxins I need to detraumatize by my own invention of yoga {Nirbeeja Yoga} to maintain being humane, joyful as well as I can be in the convenient considerations afforded by 'civil' humans around hacking into wifi if they can get away with it while being 'neighbour'ly with 'swalpa adjust maadi' attitudes as long as they are at the receiving end of the 'consideration.' I like it best once I get to the other side of the fieriness - where it is just pure unadultrated love - but the push and pull from the environments has me go out again in putting out fires in the different levels of my tissuebodyhouse. My body-based LifePartner that I call History does not know Nirbeeja Yoga, more Hatha Yoga et al and music and a whole lot of things and nonviolent as well as males can be expected to be with living in a society that glorifies the Divine Feminine as 'Mother' but has to deal with #BetiBachaoBetiPadhao concerns while Divine Masculine is not quite 'Father' in line with the 'Mother' perspective and are expected to perform and put food on the table as soon as they are of earning age, which better be sooner than later or something or at least are constantly evaluated in terms of 'performance' capability in taking care of the family. Such conditioned hardwired expectation, they cannot even voice out against the societal bias on 'what a man needs to deal with in being a male' behind a tight-lipped 'masculine guild' or something that no females are allowed entry into in coping with the feminine fire that society won't call as 'abuse' because the society would turn against the 'default abusers of the society' - males - with hardly anybody properly examining the details carefully enough as to why males and females live in their own personal hell. Rant..rant..I know. That's why I call this blogspace, Spaces. Good to clean my palate and desoil my claws so I can be nonviolent; that is needed for my food to taste good enough as they deserve to be and to have my hands be clean from those moments I do not do Nirbeeja Yoga while R&Ding on what is missing because of which a Founder of such beautiful method of yoga is not having as much fun as the legally violenced sanatana dharma professing happy ordinary people who do not have manvanthara considerations and moving history for the better 'grandiosity' but I do {and have registered my commencement in a believe-it-or-not mythological proportions and having ordinary BayBe concerns indulging in a just-human drama triad where I am not necessarily harming anybody by not practicing Nirbeeja Yoga, but not healing the fabric of time and space as well as I could if I am 24/7...I am learning to be okay with having fun and ranting and raving especially when everybody either seems to expect me to be perfect or completely foolish so they have a scandal or 'NIGYSOB' 'I got you not being nonviolent' moment. I am developing this Course of human betterment, like my bread-and-butter none-of-anybody-else-business business to have people care enough about life nonviolently, but I dont have to kill myself pedestalled into who or how I need to be en route. And I do Nirbeeja Yoga to put myself together when I have been so inflamed by ambient domestic conditions from uncared for histories/transgenerational trauma that I need to go into intensive therapeutic Nirbeeja Yoga so I dont end up getting an autoimmune disease between the gift/talent I have developed over years within and the yet-to-be-caring-enough external world that is part of my History that I need to work with in making better so our marriage makes the family between our masculine and feminine dynasties wholesomizingly healthier, wealthier, wiser.
Life, until I hit the cookie crumbly fiery inflammation seems horizontal, one amongst the crowds, fairly decent, artistically satisfying experience that I could live as such for about 20 minutes and then I am back into sanitizing the inflammatories so I dont get 'corona'fied or have my tissues facing sunburn of a sun-less kind. Any wonder I am making an online Course of having Noninflammatory Presence using Nothing in 6 months?
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