"I dont trust you and am suspicious of everything you do that is somehow connected to me/what i do" - an instinctive, on-alert-for system that is programmed to start a response/chain of responses consistent with the level of 'alarm' bells that go off when respective criterias are met with for the specific alarm to go off.
Suspicion - Iv been pretty resistant of this. Unthinkingly bracketed it off as 'bad' quality, that it poisons existing systems and breeds all those negative emotions that ultimately kills whatever is beautiful, or so i thought. On thinking of negative vs positive at various times, I am now quite convinced that negative is just the absence of positive, rather like the other end of a scale like 0 to 10 where 0 is 'less' and 10 is 'most'. However I rate my response to something on the scale, I am still connected to the 'thing' by my being ratable on the scale. Indifference is the only thing that frees/detaches me from the whole thing. Coming to the current topic, suspicion then is not 'bad,' but the absence of something. Maybe my system is telling me something that i blatantly ignore because I have put the whole alarm into the 'bad' basket, and as long as i ignore what my system is telling me, i will never be able to see what i am missing and so never quite able to 'trust' - that one thing that allows for acceptance and connectedness and 'tenselessness' and maybe to just 'be/let be.'
(ah! how many lines of thought have i touched upon just in this one paragraph and vaguely made a point but still left so much unsaid and to be thought about! ..and thats just being my quirky dear self)
Suspicion - Iv been pretty resistant of this. Unthinkingly bracketed it off as 'bad' quality, that it poisons existing systems and breeds all those negative emotions that ultimately kills whatever is beautiful, or so i thought. On thinking of negative vs positive at various times, I am now quite convinced that negative is just the absence of positive, rather like the other end of a scale like 0 to 10 where 0 is 'less' and 10 is 'most'. However I rate my response to something on the scale, I am still connected to the 'thing' by my being ratable on the scale. Indifference is the only thing that frees/detaches me from the whole thing. Coming to the current topic, suspicion then is not 'bad,' but the absence of something. Maybe my system is telling me something that i blatantly ignore because I have put the whole alarm into the 'bad' basket, and as long as i ignore what my system is telling me, i will never be able to see what i am missing and so never quite able to 'trust' - that one thing that allows for acceptance and connectedness and 'tenselessness' and maybe to just 'be/let be.'
(ah! how many lines of thought have i touched upon just in this one paragraph and vaguely made a point but still left so much unsaid and to be thought about! ..and thats just being my quirky dear self)
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