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Meristem

An In-between

In a bit of curling up underground space. Stuff to mature in the mind/intellect/spirit's brewery and somethings cannot be hurried but then there are also things that need to be done - one step ahead of the other as the activities of daily living is to continue meanwhile, not somehow anyhow but meeting certain quality standards. I cant seem to find a space good enough to be active AND passive in except in my self and I seem to be having some adjustment issues with that. It is not so much about the extraordinariness of it as much as it is about the lack of ordinariness. It takes some getting used to; perhaps a bit of in and out until the ordinary can be appreciated in the extraordinary and the extraordinary can be appreciated further in the ordinary until perhaps I can be comfortable in this leg of my journey. The new certainly needs some getting used to. Spaces!

Wording things through

I have been talking - earlier with people and when the supply of listeners somehow diffused, to myself and when that got a little limited in variety, with anything and everything that can be spoken to. At first in words to people and when the listeners gave odd looks, in my head to anything and everything. People love labels. I'm sure they have labels for people who do this. They label everything and if they can't find one, create one! I know I do, and I am just one of the species!

I word. I word through things and make sense of the world and everything around and thereby (and in spite of) discover myself, what I am and what I am capable of and the world I live in. Quite meristematic actually.

My limitation is when I don't word. I guess I get boxed into another persons thinking/limitations given by the limit in their scope of logic...and I feel boxed in. Suffocating, like an expanding balloon cramped up into a limited space box. I just want to burst out of the box without actually bursting myself or bursting the box (burst, as in pop out of it)!

Wordingthrough - that's one of the keys to my liberation!

Recognition

I don't have a problem. I have 2 energy-parasites in the environment I spend most of my work time in.

Trip-up'd

I thought I was growing up to be the woman I was meant to be - the woman I am deep inside. Turns out that all it takes is the next trip-up to flip out and be catty (catty? me?!)  and ranting and raving like a child, not even a girl (which somwhow seems more mature than a child right now). I type about this here coz I think it is not just me; that anybody's next stage in development is just the next trip-up away, coz that trip-up happened because I had not really foreseen that or had any experience of in my entire repertoire of experiences.

What happened? I may have encountered a more complex, if not a more-than-everyday sort of complex character, and thought I had seen quite a few though I knew not all that there is. It is reassuring to know that I was right about there being more kinds (duh), only I hadnt been thinking in those terms since some time - being plateau'd with more or less several kinds with awe being a constant presence in my life with the work I do - that my emotional reaction did not register enough to be pondered in depth! Maybe I have been having quite a time with my emotions since some time that my emotional bandwidth is a bit plateau'd...and that is saying a lot.

Emotional bandwidth plateau - another space a person (me) could be in.

I need my space!

I am an ongoing research at one level, or maybe several levels where each level is on a field test comparing its observations/theories with how it is in the field out there in the world, collecting further samples/variations. I, for sure, am a multifaceted, multidimensional being. I cant say for sure about others. I hence need spaces to document, voice out where there is no other forum otherwise, for I have things to say worth being said again and not being said enough vehemently. I come therefore to Spaces for this is a space I can be in too.

Peek-a-boo

I revealed a hiding place yesterday and here I am, today, writing in this space after having not visited this space in some time - hiding from that space which was revealed. It is more like a little guerilla warfare or a game of peek-a-boo. An aspect of me, quite healthy from the looks of it and maintaining forte at that, needs/finds a space in which to play around with ideas,idiosyncracies, quirks, experiment things a bit, much like in a laboratory with or without further movement in the same line of thought explored in the world out there. It is much like a private playspot where the vulnerable parts of me can just be without the judgments and appropriatisms of the world and its expectations. I guess in a sense I also refer to the observer within each of us, the experiencer into whom percolates the experience of living in the circumstances one comes to find oneself in, and this space in my imagination is like the deepest room in the house, and one needs the space of that room just as much as anything else, and it is important and its importance needs to be acknowledged and provided for, for the individual (or the person within the person) lives here.

In living a 'public' life where avenues like Facebook and Twitter gets updates about everyday happenings and is followed by all and sundry at various levels of acquaintenceship, privacy and a space of unfettered honesty becomes important to maintain sanity and balance between ones inner and outer selves, at least until stuch point as the twain can as though one large movement sway as one breath through all that there is, unfettered and presencing what needs be presenced, without disharmonizing, maybe more harmonizing than things ever were, making the world a better place to live in in its wake.